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The Married Widow by Caraihie

By on April 11, 2015

The Married Single

Ladies has anyone been here?
It had happened slowly, inexorably, inexplicably. A slow, yet steady, drifting apart, cooling off, a taking for granted… on both sides. A crossing and pushing of the boundaries of non-acceptable behaviour patterns. “What happened?… We used to be so close”.
Flashbacks in my minds eye, vivid pictures, images of the times when it seemed that he knew, understood and cared about everything about me, the times when we could talk about everything, anything and nothing on the phone for hours on end, and now… well now… there was… nothing. Monosyllabic cliched questions; and jaded, almost cynical answers.
Now I feel like a married widow, single, yet married. With someone yet alone, lonely, unloved, with a lover but loverless. Hmmm, “How dId we get here?”
It had to be both our faults I guess, as the saying goes, ‘It takes two to Tango’.
He took his eye off the ball, I did, he did, I did… doesn’t really matter, we’re here, and now I don’t, he doesn’t, we both don’t know, how to get back to the right…there- the place of closeness, intimacy, companionship, and yes, mind-blowing sexmanship. The place of the ‘fairytale’. Every woman’s entitled to the “‘fairytale’ right?
Somehow guys don’t seem to understand that for a woman the bedsexroom is so closely linked to every other room; the ‘do-you-make-time-for-me-room’ , the give-me-peace-at-home-room, the I-want-my-wife-to-look-hot-room…

What to do? It IS a dilemma. Any mistake could, an would most probably have less than desirable consequences on so many levels… the children, church. the so many young people looking up to me, depending on me for advice, succour… strength.
Funnily, sadly, or maybe just symptomatic of the entire situation, he doesn’t even rank in the top 10 of the deterrents to this temptation, this vulnerability, this danger of being sucked into an… emotional… or truth-to-tell even a physical affair.

Hmm this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Life often throws one these curveballs, unexpected, difficult, unpleasant situations. Things one doesn’t want to, or doesn’t even think they have the capability, capacity, or coping mechanism to deal with.
The truth really is that what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger… and this too WILL. I must just remain resolute and determine to “Walk tall through it all”.

By Caraihie

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