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Reasons not to be, ‘The Other Woman’

By on January 31, 2014

The ‘other woman’. The word every legitimately married woman dreads to hear. They’re called home wreckers, gender traitors and worse. Are you one? Have you ever been one? Are you right now on the brink of becoming one? As a married woman myself let me posit some reasons why I think that it doesn’t pay to be one.

Check your motives. I stand to be corrected but especially where I come from in the words of American singer Kanye West, “I ain’t saying she a gold digger, but she ain’t messing with no broke nigger”. Are you in this because you genuinely ‘love’ this married man, someone else’s husband and the father or father-to-be of her children, or are you in it for what you can get; be that money, (especially money), security, companionship, (but more about that later).

Why do you want to play 2nd fiddle. You need to search deep within yourself and examine the reasons why. Why be a secret? Why be the illicit one? Why be the one he keeps hidden never showing you off to family friends colleagues? He may claim he loves you and you may well believe you ‘love, him but he never chooses to spend Christmas, Easter, and other significant holidays with you. You may be in this for companionship but you ARE going to be lonely. Even if this ‘relationship’ is getting there, (to spending these holidays together), the majority of good men end up choosing their wives.

If you make the decision to have a child or children with this married man, sometimes with, and other times without his consent(in certain parts of the world it’s called a pension plan); think about what you intend to tell these children about who their father is, what the circumstances of their birth were, why didn’t he marry you? Where is he on their birthdays, first day of school, bring-your-Dad-to-school-day and so on. Where are the family photographs, the decorating-the-Christmas-tree pictures, the memories of things done together as a family that they will reminisce about and regale their own children with tales of?

No matter what he tells you to the contrary, he is most likely still sleeping/making love to that ‘wicked witch of a woman’, his wife. It’s called ‘double dipping’ and yes, it is just as disgusting and yucky as the image it conjures up. There are, believe it or not, many instances of both wife and mistress being pregnant at the same time.
Infidelity is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage. It is a betrayal of the deepest and most painful kind. Whether he came onto you as many mistresses claim, or you came onto him, this affair will cause pain for the wife, the children from this marriage and even if you don’t care at all for them, it WILL one way or another cause pain and heartache for you. Consider if you would like your mother, sister, daughter or even a friend to go through the harrowing ordeal of the aftermath of the discovery of an affair.

If and more likely when the proverbial s**t does hit the proverbial fan and it all comes out in the open. Can you handle the storm, work wise, relatives, friends, acquaintances. If you can, why not spare a thought for this man you claim to ‘love’ so much. The exposure of an affair almost always leads to shame of some kind, consequences for social standing and to some extent prestige. Many men of stature and social standing come to mind here.

Finally, even if he promises to leave his wife for you, the truth is that what goes around DOES come back around, for the Christians among us you DO reap what you sow. If he found it difficult to commit to the vows he made to his wife, what makes you think he will be able to remain committed to you. His behaviour speaks to his character, integrity, steadfastness and faithfulness. You just might become the woman who has to deal with ‘The other woman’.

By Amaka Chika-Mbonu

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